Recent and current events continue to put a spotlight on how we interact, both personally and professionally. In these times of division, tension, and stress, emotions can run high. As individuals and as leaders, we must build our emotional intelligence capabilities to ensure the best outcomes in our daily interactions.
The starting point? Be aware of and attend to your own emotional needs, as your emotions are directly transmissible to others.
Fight or Flight – Your Choice
When strong emotions arise, there is the event or conversation that triggered the strong emotions, the stimulus, and then there is the response that follows, such as anger, frustration, anxiousness, avoidance, and sadness. What dwells between stimulus and response is choice. Ultimately, you choose the way in which you will respond.
This window of choice is often quite narrow and many times, emotions may be way ahead of thinking. The human brain is designed to be reactive in nature and the fight or flight mechanism is very strong, leading you to experience a variety of physical sensations geared to prepare you for action. The problem is this default response cannot tell the difference between being chased by a lion versus getting involved in a heated political conversation. The same chemicals are being released in your body, which is why it is essential to have a set of self-regulation tools at your disposal.
4 Emotional Self-Regulation Skills
Use these critical skills when strong emotions begin to take over. With practice, you will build a reserve of emotional resilience that can be called upon when needed.
1. Pause
Avoid responding immediately; pause first. Whether in-person, virtual, email, or text, pausing is an excellent technique for building impulse control.
2. Take deep breaths
Pay attention to your breathing. Simply focusing on your breath and slowing down your inhaling and exhaling takes you out of your head and into the body. Take long, slow, deep breaths, before moving forward with the discussion.
3. Deflect attention
It is helpful to deflect attention or energy away from yourself and on to someone or something else. This also will buy you some time to calm down. Ask questions, take notes, or redirect your gaze from the person you are speaking to, onto an object or place in the room.
4. Delay if needed – reschedule, refresh, or reset
It is not always possible to adequately manage your feelings in the moment. If necessary, consider delaying the conversation altogether. The delay could be for several minutes, hours, or even a few days. If you are in a stressful business meeting, be sure to plan for frequent breaks. And if possible, take the problem outside of a stressful environment, which may contribute to a more creative and mutually amenable outcome.
Always remember that the way you manage your emotions and moods will have a direct and significant impact on the quality of your daily interactions and ultimately, your relationships. Although each individual differs in their level of resilience, every individual can improve their emotional resilience through focused and sustained effort.
About the Author
Susan Steinbrecher is Founder and CEO of Steinbrecher Group, an established, leadership development firm that delivers sustainable success through an innovative, proven partnership model that prioritizes conscious, authentic, EQ-driven leadership. Her expertise has positively impacted companies of all sizes, across a wide range of industries worldwide, including Bank of America, BNSF Railway, Capital One, Concentra, CVS Health, Delta Airlines, Hilton Worldwide, and Starbucks Coffee Co.
Prior to coaching, Susan was a rising star with one of the country’s best-known hotel chains for 14 years, going from entry level to the chain’s youngest general manager in history to leading the company’s strategic training and development initiatives.
Susan is the author/co-author of 5 books including Meaningful Alignment: Mastering Emotionally Intelligent Interactions at Work and In Life; Kensho-A Modern Awakening- Instigating Change in an Era of Global Renewal (Amazon best seller); and Heart-Centered Leadership: An Invitation to Lead from the Inside. She is also a professional speaker, most recently delivering the keynote address for a corporate conference of over 10,000 hospitality professionals on the topic of Heart-Centered Leadership.